want. need. anxiety.

it's amazing how easily and how quickly a simple comparison can change your definition of "want" to "need".

i gave samuel a math placement test to see where to start him in a different curriculum. since we cut off the school year rather abruptly because of buying/selling houses, he didn't get as far as i would have liked, but he tested to a certain book and i happen to have that book, so that's good. but i don't have the solution manual or the test & worksheet book, and since it's an older version i'm not sure if they still offer those things for this version.

so i started looking around at the current version of this text and of course i already know that we can't buy any school materials right now, but i kept looking, thinking maybe if i just found one site that had it low enough then i could figure something out.

serveral minutes later i notice my leg bouncing (ya know that nervous bounce) and my heart rate going a little faster and a little anxiety starting to build within. before i knew it, i was just focused on finding this newer version with everything i needed to go with it and i was realizing how impossible it was becoming.... so i paused and bowed my head.

but i didn't pray that some miracle would take place and i'd magically get this curriculum kit. i halfway did, for just a split second... but prayer isn't magic. no instead i prayed that i would trust the Lord. and that i would be content with what's available to me. there are a million and one resources out there for math. and they will do just fine. i do not "need" the curriculum kit. i have what i "need" and its ok if i don't get what i "want".

and now, wonder of wonders... there's peace again. bye bye anxiety. my situation did not change. but my perspective has been realigned.

how often does this happen in other areas of my life? your life? whether its an outfit, a car, a house or anything that we begin to covet (defined as "yearn to posses or have). we don't' need to spend hours on our knees praying for things to magically appear, or problems to magically be solved, or our covetous wishes to be granted. that is not the purpose of prayer. we need to spend time with the Father so that our heart, our thoughts, our desires, and our perspective become one with His. so that our yearning is fixed on the Creator, His purposes and His ways.